Lesbian, Gay, and Bi Articles & Commentary

Title: Socrates, Politics and Axe Murder: A Look At Gay Marriage

Author: Maya Talisman Frost

Article:
This week, I attended a reading by Christopher Phillips. He is
the author of Socrates' Café: A Fresh Taste of Philosophy, and
has been described as the "Johnny Appleseed of philosophy"
because of his penchant for starting meaningful dialogues with
groups around the world.

He was in town to promote his newest book, Six Questions for
Socrates: A Modern-Day Journey of Discovery Through World
Philosophy. Because I happen to live in Portland, Oregon, a city
with a reputation for contemplative people and voracious readers
(must be the rain), the room at Powell's Books was packed. After
reading a few pages from his book describing a typical Socratic
dialogue, Phillips asked us to consider the question, "What is
virtue?" and to think about how it might relate to our world
today.

Well, "today" happened to be the day that President Bush
announced his intention to push for a constitutional amendment
to ban gay marriage. It was clearly a hot topic in the room, and
the first speaker jumped right in by asking if perhaps we could
become a more virtuous society by respecting and supporting a
"multiplicity of choices" regarding any loving relationship
between two consenting adults.

The hour passed swiftly as many individuals contributed to the
discussion of tolerance, support, acceptance, common good, well
being, and the development of our culture.

No matter what you believe about gay marriage, considering its
implications is a fascinating process in evaluating and defining
our own sense of virtue.

When I was four, my father announced to my mother that he was
homosexual. My mother had been raised in the Mormon church, the
only child of two very conservative parents. She told me years
later that she'd had to look up the word in the dictionary to
know what he was talking about. It was 1964.

She chose to pack up my two brothers and me and head to Oregon
to live with her parents. I grew up hearing from my grandmother
that my father was "evil" and that someday I'd learn about the
horrible things he'd done.

I envisioned him as an axe murderer. I didn't see him for years.

I now have a very friendly relationship with him, and I am
pleased to report that he has never killed anyone. In fact, he
leads a quiet, happy life of gardening, paying bills, helping
others in his community, and being completely dedicated to his
partner.

They've been together for over 40 years--about 28 years longer
than he was married to my mother. I don't know any couple that
has been able to withstand more challenges while remaining
absolutely devoted to supporting each other than my father and
his partner. With lasting love being so hard to find, I think we
ought to support and celebrate it whenever possible.

Can we legislate love? Is there ever a good reason for society
to put limits on a loving relationship between two consenting
adults? What responsibility do we have as citizens to support
caring, long-term relationships? How will our culture be
affected by our choice to support or limit partnerships between
two individuals who choose to sustain each other throughout
their lives?

Just as important as these questions are those related to the
time, expense and divisive discussion required to alter our
nation's official stance on this issue. I fail to understand how
anyone can decide to focus such enormous resources on clarifying
personal relationships at a national level when there are
clearly so many more pressing problems that demand attention.

I'd like to see less focus on legislating loving partnerships,
and a lot more on preventing truly heinous acts.

Like, say, axe murder. Or maybe war.

With mouths to feed, children to educate, jobs to create, and
communities to support, the discussion surrounding gay marriage
is pointedly political and decidedly distracting. I don't know
what Socrates would have said about this issue, but my guess is
that he'd enjoy the debate. It's likely that he would argue to
allow individuals to thoughtfully pursue their personal quest
for excellence and enjoy the same benefits granted to every
other adult member of the community.

As our society continues in its welcome development of a more
evolved sense of ethics, we can rise to the challenge. As
individuals, we can dedicate ourselves to continuing this
thoughtful debate in our communities, our homes, and within
ourselves to foster enlightened decision-making at local (state)
levels.

I'm hoping for careful consideration, honesty, full disclosure,
and a willingness to accept the risks required to expand our
thinking. My father had the guts to pursue his own sense of
excellence in 1964 and, despite years of personal anguish, was
successful in opening the minds of everyone in my family. I hope
our nation's leaders will be as courageous--and more
importantly, as compassionate--in their approach.

About the author:
Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse. Her work has inspired
thinkers in over 80 countries. She serves up a satisfying blend
of clarity, comfort and comic relief in her free weekly ezine,
the Friday Mind Massage. To subscribe, visit
http://www.massageyourmind.com.